The final ThunderDome PPV until the next pandemic definitely happened!
Our pre-show match saw Natalya vs. Mandy Rose go about 10 minutes. It was… okay. This was somehow the longest WWE pre-show match in months. You’re telling me we couldn’t have gotten Sheamus vs. Ricochet vs. Humberto Carrillo or an RK-Bro match?
SmackDown Women’s Championship Hell in a Cell: Bianca Belair (c) vs. Bayley
Bayley’s incredible. She and her forever bestie rival Sasha Banks anchored the pandemic era of WWE as much as anyone, and that includes Roman Reigns and Drew McIntyre. This was her best match in forever, not because she’s not talented, but because WWE completely forgets their Women’s #Evolution for months at a time and doesn’t set their talent up to succeed. Her selling here made this match, making every kendo stick and chair shot feel impactful.
Belair was good, but she really could have shown more creativity here considering her athleticism is the big selling point. The hair spots were uninspired and they made hilariously little use of the Cell aside from a bridge spot and one sunset bomb, but both of those could’ve happened against the barricade anyway. It was better than the Reigns vs. Mysterio Cell match on SmackDown but not by much. (***½)
Seth Rollins vs. Cesaro
Wow, here’s a crazy thought: putting your hot Mania match that was a massive success and helped create a new star in Cesaro in front of no fans and taking away all the things about it that made it great doesn’t work! This went 16 minutes but felt like it went 26. Despite the lifeless nature of this contest, Cesaro worked hard towards the end with some technical submission transitions and an admirable Giant Swing. I like Rollins as a wrestler more than most at this point but this just didn’t come together like I wanted. Eminently fine. (**¾)
Alexa Bliss vs. Shayna Baszler
Everybody knows this Alexa Bliss shit is, well, shit, but I genuinely don’t think people realize how fucking irredeemably bad it is even in the context of all-time terrible stuff like WCW when it was run by Vince Russo and TNA when it was… also run by Vince Russo. It’s pedophile bait, and it’s not even, like, creative pedophile bait. Just some of the worst television programming you’ll ever see in any context. (DUD)
Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn
There we go! Owens and Zayn accomplished here what Rollins and Cesaro earlier in the show could not: they built on their WrestleMania match and put on something even better.
It’s a misnomer to say “the crowd was dead” for this one because it’s ostensibly controlled by a robot and/or Kevin Dunn, but the match was awfully quiet early on. That didn’t stop Owens and especially Zayn from going out there and killing themselves for our pleasure. The match turned a corner when Zayn hit his great tope con giro, leading to a unique worked injury spot which Owens sold beautifully.
From there, the story of the match was trust. These two have so much experience and camaraderie that they could put together something good in their sleep, but when they’re given the green light (as we saw in NXT), it can be magical. This wasn’t quite magic, but the snug stiffness was there: Zayn returning fire from being legitimately busted open with a SHOOT~ Helluva Kick was classic pro wrestling minutiae for the informed fan. As far as I’m concerned these two never need to do anything else. (***¾)
RAW Women’s Championship: Rhea Ripley (c) vs. Charlotte Flair
I can’t think of many wrestlers out there today who have straight-up regressed more than Charlotte. Like what the fuck? It seems like she’s actively worse than she was early in her career alongside the Four Horsewomen. This match should’ve been a hard-hitting powerhouse battle (because WWE is the only promotion in the world who can put that type of match on) but instead it was your standard back-and-forth WWE PPV match with a middling floor and a very low ceiling. An extremely awkward ripcord sequence early on, a baffling use-the-ropes-for-leverage cover, and the customary pregnant pauses interrupting the flow of momentum made this a drag. Every single viewer saw Charlotte’s positioning right next to the ropes after the Riptide.
Speaking of Ripley, I appreciate her commitment to putting on the most ridiculous facial expressions imaginable. She may as well have been shot after being forced leg-first into the ring steps; she’s Shocked Pikachu times a thousand.
And then the match just… ended? The babyface champion got disqualified, but accidentally? But because it’s WWE, she’s still champion? Was this a double turn? Because I still like Ripley a hell of a lot more than I like Charlotte. The best action of the match unfortunately happened after the bell rang, leaving me dumbfounded as to where this program and championship goes next. (*¼)
WWE Championship Hell in a Cell: Bobby Lashley (c) vs. Drew McIntyre
A month ago, these two (alongside the now-released Braun Strowman) tore the house down with one of the most thrilling WWE multi-man matches in years. That one was all-action and spectacular, with innovative stuff throughout and legitimately impressive athletic performances from all three men.
This match illustrated why having a yearly Hell in a Cell PPV is a supremely stupid decision. For Hell in a Cell to work, we need (1) the threat of interference being taken away and (2) innovative stuff involving the cell. This match had neither. The Hell in a Cell main event was a typical WWE hardcore match, actually constrained compared to that wonderful three-way from the month before. At least that match saw Lashley get speared through the video board.
Every major Cell spot in this match had been done before. The “trapped in the corner” spot was awesome between the Usos and the New Day in 2017 because it created a fantastic, intriguing dynamic as Big E had to overcome the odds. In contrast, I’m supposed to believe one kendo stick stopped McIntyre from breaking out? If he broke out in the end, why didn’t he just break out earlier?
The one thing WWE has stunningly done better than AEW recently is limit the amount of bullshit HEAT~ on their big shows. They couldn’t even maintain that with their final two matches, following up that terrible disqualification with a ref bump in the Hell in a Cell main event. The heel manager getting involved in what is supposed to be the ultimate cage match is obviously horrendous, and the “now YOU’RE stuck in here with ME” catharsis, with McIntyre taking out MVP, doesn’t stick.
Of course, there were some nice power spots. Lashley crushing McIntyre with the steel steps was appropriately violent and that chokeslam to the floor was nasty. Both men had visible welts; it felt like a real WWE heavyweight fight. The backslide callback was actually kind of great – I bit on the nearfall. But then we returned right back to the bullshit, with MVP getting involved and the monster Lashley rolling McIntyre up with a handful of tights.
The literal story of this match was that McIntyre wanted Hell in a Cell specifically to keep out MVP. What is the point of these stipulations if they’re not adhered to? Who does this interest? Unless a Brock Lesnar return is imminent, I don’t know what the Lashley/MVP act offers as champion that McIntyre – the most consistent RAW presence since the pandemic – doesn’t. A horribly disappointing way to follow up one of the better two-PPV stretches in recent WWE history. (***¼)